Have you guys seen the movie 'Saw'? It's a glorified slasher film where some crazy guy starts cutting up people for no reason. Well, this is how I feel this morning. Last night, we were out to dinner with some friends and I parked my brand new car on the street.

Toward the end of dinner, someone walks in and asks 'Hey, is that your white car parked in front of the restaurant?'

'Why yes,' I tell him. 'It is.'

In my mind, I'm thinking the dude is admiring my new car. He is going to ask me how it drives, how fast is it and all the other geeky car questions that those of us predominantly testosterone-laden guys care about.

Imagine my surprise when he tells me that someone just did a hit and run and completely bashed in the side of my brand new car. The side panels, the side view mirror, the rims, tires, all damaged. Granted, no one was hurt, and insurance will cover the damages, but good God man! Why? Why would you go and desecrate a man's possessions simply because you are too stupid to drive? The car that was parked in front of mine got it even worse.

The perp took off, and no one got a license plate or an ID of any sort. But if you see a damaged beige SUV driving around in Newport Beach, please hold the guy down while I perform all the acts that were performed in the movie 'Saw' and make it seem like Mickey Mouse compared to what I would do to the person if I ever found him!